Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i think we sleep fucked last night...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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