I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
