he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
