I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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