Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
