and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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