I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
