we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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