pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
