Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
