my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
