we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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