I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
