I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize