note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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