billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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