We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But theres a keg here and me gusta
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
