she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
