He kissed a someone with a penis
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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