Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
