Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
