a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
