I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
