this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
