just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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