There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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