My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
