I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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