oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We're too hungover to prance.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
