Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
