this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
