We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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