i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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