come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
