I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
