Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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