no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
