At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
