Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
