Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
