Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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