My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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