dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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