I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
