I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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