NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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