I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
