I wanna passion pit in your ass
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
