We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
