Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
