You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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