Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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