Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
