She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
