It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
