Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
