Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
