for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
