Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize