I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize