i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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