i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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