Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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