Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
