His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
