Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
pop tarts are not kleenex
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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