If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
