I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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