i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
