I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
