I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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