I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
