I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
