I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
