For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
