His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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