He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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