He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
