So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My penis needs a shock collar
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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