I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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