Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
