Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize