We're facebook friends in real life
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
